This time tomorrow where will we be?
I woke up early, as I have been doing for the last few days, after a mostly sleepless night plagued with insomnia. Even while laying in bed in the dark, trying to force myself to sleep – I stay awake — tossing and turning, trying to earn at least a little sleep, perhaps even a dream or two, before the alarm goes off. I often have the best dreams during the early morning, when the lines between consciousness and the dream world are mostly blurred.
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I went into work to complete my training. The school, the American Academy of English, where no real Americans work, and the curriculum is based on an outdated British method, is quite small yet pleasant. The head staff and other teachers are all welcoming; however, it’s just the method itself that is a bit of challenge because a lot of the words it insists on being taught to students are no longer in everyday use, and the lifestyles of the characters used as examples to explain certain situations are completely out of touch with the modern world. The books were written before counter-culture sexual revolution, before the feminist movement and before the rapid technological advancement that shapes our world today — for example, when the book mentions a ‘wireless’ it isn’t referring to the internet but an old fashioned radio….need I say more?
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After the training was over, I asked my instructor whether they thought I was ready to take some classes for real instead of pretending with the role play that had dominated the classes till now. Thankfully, he said yes, and would arrange for me to take some classes as soon as possible — which roughly translates as, I’m officially hired!
I left the school feeling great, as if my presence in Istanbul had been legitimized, now that I was to work and earn money. With The Kinks playing in my ear I headed home in a contemplative mood, thinking — as the traffic rushed past, about actively choosing to be here rather than any other place in the world. About choosing this place over my hometown, over living with my family, over England — for me, in that moment on the metrobus, it all made sense — perhaps it was the excitement of having a job, but the pieces seemed to fit into place, I felt a part of the city, even if my part is merely a language instructor. I reached home feeling exhausted and content. The evening invitingly lay ahead and I had already decided what I would have for dinner.
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And then, my housemate came into my room. The last three weeks have been a bit stressful because of my desperate financial situation; the money I had hoped would last until I got a job ran out exactly three weeks before I officially got a job, and so, as a result I’m three weeks behind on rent. And so, my housemate Volkan awkwardly came into my room to ‘speak’ to me properly, for the first time in over a month (I’m not joking) to explain that he thought I should leave the house next week after paying the rent I owed him, adding that he and his boyfriend ‘are waiting for [me] to leave, so that the boyfriend can move in.’
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And so, not only am I three weeks behind on rent but I’ve also apparently put the progression of their relationship on hold. I’ve now got one more week left in this flat before I’m homeless; the only problem being, I don’t have enough money to rent a new flat and it’s far too early in my job for me to request some kind of advance payment. The next few weeks will be interesting…
Money is a fairly petty thing to lose friends over. I can sit and list my mistakes when it came to handling my finances and expenses, but those aren’t important — money comes and goes as it pleases, the only problem is, we miss it when it’s gone and take it for granted when it’s here. In my life, I’ve never ever been so poor as I am now, yet at the same time, I’ve never been so rich in terms of my own personal freedom to do whatever I like, I’ve never been so free. It’s quite funny that on the same day that I got a job, I became homeless. I know that in the future, money will be in and out of my pocket, perhaps more will be out than in, but then, I also know what I value more than the notes in my wallet.
Posted on December 14, 2010
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